Rejected Author Bios for a Series of Children’s ESL Phonics Books

Mrs. Moore lives and writes in a series of cardboard boxes taped together to form a system of caves. She may or may not have a choice selection of college degrees, which may or may not have earned her a temporary job with the U.S. Census bureau and a bad credit score. She does not really remember. These things do not matter in the box-cave.

From the late Cretaceous, Tegan M Moore is a six-ton horned dinosaur with teeth the size of encyclopedia volumes. She is fully prepared to eat you.

Mrs. Moore denied your Facebook friend request. She hopes that you forget and try to add her again, not because she regrets her decision and wants your Facebook-friendship but because it is so nice to feel powerful.

Tegan Moore is actually a big blob of ants standing on each others’ shoulders beneath a trenchcoat, pretending to be human.

TM Moore is totally that crazy lady who puts her cat in a harness and drags him outside to grin moronically while people giggle and point and ask if he likes it while the cat tries desperately to bury himself inside a bush. She doesn’t like how she has enough objective distance to see the horror of this situation and yet does not alter her behavior. The cat doesn’t like it either.

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